Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
by The Aussie Slytherin
Summary: Harry, Draco, Severus & Minerva have to Carry Out the Order of the Phoenix before it’s Too Late! They have to stop Voldie Taking Over the World, Fred and George becoming the Ministers of Magic, and worst of all, Hermione marrying Krum!!!
1. Default Chapter

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix  
  
By: The Aussie Slytherin  
Chapter One ~ The Headmaster Tells Them Of Their Destiny  
  
Harry couldn't believe it. He hadn't been at Hogwarts a week yet and he'd already been called into the Headmaster's office. The Marauders would be proud of him!  
  
But it wasn't really his fault, you see. Surely Dumbledore would understand that Snape had been asking for it. Really!  
  
If the man hadn't wanted to be turned into a pineapple, he shouldn't have taken two points off Hermione! So it was the Potion Master's own fault!  
  
Besides, it hadn't been Harry who'd transfigured the greasy git anyway, it had been Hermione herself! She'd been in a bad mood all day, and Harry secretly thought that it was that time of the month.  
  
Ron had not so secretly wondered the same thing, and he was currently in the Hospital Wing having a large purple banana removed from his left nostril, so Harry had decided to keep his suspicions to himself (or at least away from Hermione. But she'd heard Ron from the Library...and he'd been in the Great Hall).  
  
How the teachers had managed to blame him instead of Hermione was a complete mystery, but Harry suspected that Malfoy had something to do with it.  
  
Speak of the devil (or should he say the Malfoy?); Snape, McGonagall and Malfoy had just followed Dumbledore into the room.  
  
McGonagall gave Harry a secret grin, proving that she had found Pineapple- Snape to be quite amusing, and took the seat next to him. Snape and Malfoy took the other two chairs.  
  
Dumbledore went and sat behind his desk, eyes twinkling. Fawkes flew over and perched happily on the back of his chair.  
  
"Why have you brought us all here, Albus?" McGonagall asked.  
  
The Headmaster smiled at her. "Ah Minerva, the time has come to tell the four of you of your destiny."  
  
The other four just stared at him in shock. Finally, Snape broke the silence. "Are you trying to tell me that my destiny has something to do with Potter and Minerva???" he demanded.  
  
"Yes Severus. You, Minerva, Draco and Harry are the four souls who have been destined since the beginning of time to carry out the Order of the Phoenix."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Even I don't know what that order is yet," he continued cheerfully. "Fawkes is going with you, and he'll tell you where to go and what to do."  
  
More silence.  
  
"I'll give you time to pack, and say goodbye to your friends, of course. You'll be leaving bright and early tomorrow morning."  
  
The silence was becoming tangible.  
  
"Er, is everything all right?" Dumbledore asked. "It's just very quiet in here."  
  
He didn't get a reply.  
  
"Severus? Minerva? Harry? Draco?"  
  
It was about then that the four aforementioned people managed to drag their respective jaws off the floor and stare at the Headmaster as though he'd gone mad. Which they suspected he had.  
  
"What's the problem?" he asked, still cheerful.  
  
Harry silently contemplated the consequences of killing the old man. Azkaban, for sure, but wasn't it worth it? Once he got out he'd be insane, but free from the Headmaster's crazy plots. He could see where Godric Gryffindor's sword was sitting on the shelf next to the Sorting Hat. It was so tempting.....  
  
Oddly enough, Severus's thoughts mirrored those of his most hated student. Surely being turned into a pineapple was enough for one day?! He spied a letter opener out of the corner of his eye. Would it be sharp enough?  
  
Minerva had never thought that the Headmaster was insane. A little odd, maybe. Not when he'd taught her Transfiguration, not when he'd admitted the Marauders to Hogwarts, when he'd never expelled the Weasley twins and not when he'd hired Severus. Now she was positive the old fool was completely off his rocker. But what could she do?  
  
Draco knew there was nothing his father could do about this. The elder Malfoy was far too busy reading Voldemort his bedtime stories and such Death Eater things. So it was up to him. Murder Dumbledore? His father couldn't keep him out of Azkaban for THAT! Kill the Phoenix? No, he'd be expelled. Go along with this? Potter would surely kill him! Then what?  
  
As one, the four spoke. "I'm not going."  
  
The Headmaster smiled and his eyes twinkled. "Oh, but I haven't told you what would happen if you don't yet!"  
  
"Go on then," Draco said cautiously.  
  
"Well, if you don't obey Fawkes's Orders, the world will be taken over by Voldemort, you'll either be expelled from Hogwarts or lose your job, the Weasley twins will become the Ministers of Magic, and Hermione will marry Viktor Krum!"  
  
Harry gasped. Hermione and Krum??? But Hermione and Ron were perfect for each other! And he'd be expelled? And Voldie would take over the world? He had to go!  
  
Draco nearly fainted. Expelled? No way! And then there was the worst thing: everyone knew Granger belonged with the Weasel! He couldn't let her marry Krum!  
  
Minerva suppressed a scream. Lose her job? Voldemort take over the world? Hermione Granger marry the Bulgarian Seeker? Not if she could help it!  
  
Severus almost cried. A world ruled by Voldemort? The Weasley twins as Ministers?? Granger and Krum??? He refused to let it happen.  
  
As one, they sighed in resignation. "I'll go."  
  
Dumbledore beamed. "Oh how wonderful! Fawkes and I will see you here at seven tomorrow morning!"  
  
The four of them left the Headmaster before he could offer them one of the Lemon Drops he was offering to the disgusted Phoenix. (Large firebirds have a tendency to hate lemon-flavoured sweets.)  
  
Harry raced back to the Gryffindor Common Room to say his farewells, pack, sleep, eat, and steal one of Dean's packets of Minties (not necessarily in that order).  
  
Draco ran to the Slytherin Common Room to pack his things, get Crabbe to steal a packet of Minties from Pansy, say good riddance to his housemates, and sleep.  
  
Severus stalked back to his quarters, planning on packing, getting a packet of Minties from a House Elf, drinking himself into oblivion and sleeping it off.  
  
Minerva walked quickly to her rooms, where she'd pack, find a packet of Minties, have a few drinks, play with her catnip mouse (as a cat of course!) and sleep.  
Will anyone kill Dumbledore? Will they carry out the Phoenix's Order in time to stop Hermione falling for Krum? Which teacher is going to have the worse hangover? And what's with the Minties?  
  
Find out in the next chapter of . . . . . . . . . Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix!!!  
  
Please review! Pretty please???  
  
~TAS 


	2. Chapter Two: Getting There And Getting S...

devils-biatch99 ~ Aw, thank you!  
  
Angl ~ *Gasps in horror* You poor thing, you don't know what a Mintie is? Actually, I think they must only be Australian. Oh well. They're chewy mint sweets.  
  
LoonyLoopyLisa ~ I don't know, they seem to be feeling murderous to the poor headmaster. Sorry to say it, but Minnie had a worse hangover than Sevvie.  
  
destinygurl ~ Thanks. I think Fred and George would make wonderful Ministers, but those four just wouldn't agree!  
  
StarFire29@aol.com ~ Yeah, Minnie's got the worst hangover! Well done for guessing right! Enjoy the chapter!  
  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
  
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix  
  
By: The Aussie Slytherin  
  
Chapter Two ~ Getting There And Getting Started  
  
The next morning at seven o'clock, Harry and Draco were standing in the Entrance Hall with Dumbledore.  
  
Fawkes was sitting on Harry's shoulder, looking somewhat smug. No one knew why.  
  
Draco turned to Dumbledore. "Headmaster, how is Fawkes going to tell us what to do? He's a bird!"  
  
Dumbledore smiled serenely, his eyes doing that damn twinkling thing. "I don't know, Draco. It's up to you, Harry, Minerva and Severus to work that out."  
  
There was a groan from the doorway to the dungeons, and a very hung over looking Severus dragged his luggage over and dumped it next to Harry's.  
  
"Did you have a little to drink last night, Professor Snape?" Draco asked, smiling innocently.  
  
Severus glared at Draco with more hatred than Remus Lupin had for his mother's good silverware.  
  
There was another groan, and an even more hung over looking Minerva staggered out of the passageway to her rooms, levitating her luggage to rest beside Draco's.  
  
"I think Professor McGonagall had a bit to drink too," Harry commented to Draco. The two had already called a truce, and were planning on making the trip hell for their professors.  
  
Draco nodded wisely. "Yes, perhaps she had more than Snape?"  
  
"Possibly. However, Draco, I think she just got into the catnip after a few drinks."  
  
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "For this trip, boys, I believe it is wise for all four of you to call each other by your first names. Is that all right with you?"  
  
Harry and Draco exchanged an evil smirk, already thinking of all the absurd nicknames they could come up with. They nodded to Dumbledore.  
  
"So Albus, we're all here now. Where do we go from the school?"  
  
"Minerva, I believe that the first part of your mission takes you to a very small Muggle town in Tasmania called Geeveston. I have made a PortKey to get you there."  
  
Draco took the box of Lemon Drops and passed it to Harry. The four of them shrunk their luggage and pocketed it, before the other three reached out and touched the PortKey.  
  
They felt the customary jerk behind their navel, and seconds later their feet were slamming into the ground of a large paddock.  
  
Fawkes looked around from his perch on Harry's shoulder. ^Well, looks as though we aren't too far away from our goal. I must remember to thank Albus for that.^  
  
The four of them stared at him.  
  
^Oh don't look at me like that!^ the phoenix whined. ^Surely you didn't expect me to speak English! Of course I'm going to speak in your minds!^  
  
Harry sighed. "Well, I suppose us learning to speak Phoenix was out of the question. What do we have to do now?"  
  
Fawkes gave the phoenix equivalent to a grin, which was nothing more than a slight tilting of the beak. ^We-el, to cut a long, long story short, the local school needs an English teacher and a Science teacher. Any adult volunteers?^  
  
There weren't any.  
  
"Aw, come on Minnie, Sevvie, don't be boring!" Harry said with a decidedly evil grin.  
  
"Yeah," Draco agreed. "The poor students could probably use some teachers who know how to teach!"  
  
Fawkes nodded. ^They're right. And while you're teaching, Harry and Draco will be acting as students from another school, which they are, really, and after three months or so we can leave."  
  
Severus looked desperately at Minerva, who had a similar expression on her face aimed at the Potions Master.  
  
"Please?" Harry and Draco asked hopefully, adding an attempt (a successful one, mind you) at an adorable puppy dog face for good measure.  
  
Minerva and Severus sighed in defeat. "Oh all right."  
  
Three hours later, the two teachers (now a married couple with twin sons) and the two new students had been shown around the school by the Principal Andrew Jones, and were dreading the next day when they would have to return.  
  
They had claimed a house which Fawkes had had put aside for their use, and each had their own bedroom.  
  
#######################################  
  
Harry went into his room, unpacked, and pulled out a piece of parchment, a quill, some ink, and his never-ending packet of Minties.  
  
He had decided to write to his friends.  
  
'Dear Ron, Hermione, Seamus, Dean, Neville, Parvati, Lavender, Padma, Hannah, Justin, Terry, Ginny and Blaise,  
  
Okay, I'm going to make copies of this letter to send to each of you, so don't worry about passing it around or anything.  
  
Remember I told you I was going to carry out the Order of the Phoenix? Well, Fawkes is telling us telepathically what to do, and we're starting by spending three months at a Muggle school in Australia!  
  
Sevvie and Minnie (Don't ask) are going to be teaching, and Draco and I are students. The Principal is a bit of an idiot, I think, because he was wearing a purple shirt with a yellow tie. I just think that's sad.  
  
Anyway, this was just an update note, stay tuned!  
  
Harry'  
  
Harry magically made twelve more copies of the letter and sent them using a spell Draco had told him earlier.  
  
He then lay on his bed eating Minties and revising things he was supposed to know for school.  
  
His last thought before he fell asleep due to boredom was that he really needed to kill both the Headmaster and the bird.  
  
#######################################  
  
Draco thought that Muggle students must get extremely bored. The work he was revising was enough to put anyone to sleep!  
  
He frowned. He was running low on Minties. Luckily, he could easily buy some more tomorrow from a Muggle shop.  
  
Before he fell asleep, Draco resolved to murder Dumbledore and Fawkes.  
  
#######################################  
  
Severus was going over the work he was planning on setting the GDHS students, and he knew it couldn't get any worse than this. Luckily, he could teach them all chemistry, which wasn't all that different to Potions.  
  
He ate a Mintie, and got annoyed with the book he was reading. He threw it across the room, pretending it was someone who was really annoying him. Hm, that'd be Harry at the moment.  
  
He glared evilly at the wall. He really needed to dispose of the Headmaster, and that infernal bird.  
  
#######################################  
  
Minerva was happily chewing a Mintie and reading a book on teaching English to Muggles.  
  
Well, she was happily chewing the Mintie, anyway. The book she was reading was irritating her so much she set fire to it.  
  
Quickly restoring it, she reminded herself to get rid of the old man and the phoenix in the most painful way possible.  
  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
  
Now you've all read the chapter, please review it!!!!! 


End file.
